RAQQA: Demoralised and dejected ISIS caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has formally called off his terror group’s operations around the world after French mayors banned burkinis in Cannes and Corsica, Khabaristan Times has learned.
The world’s most illustrious organisation also hosted a burn-your-burkini event as a symbolic surrender.“This is it, they’ve finally got us,” al-Baghdadi said burning his burkini as protest. “They’ve hit us where it hurts the most, and we no longer have the motivation or the operational capacity to go on,” he added while talking to Khabaristan Times.
When asked how a burkini is supposed to be used to launch a terror attack, al-Baghdadi replied, “it isn’t.”“A burkini can’t be used for any terror attacks, it doesn’t have enough space to hide any explosive material – pun unintended. It’s what it represented, which is demoralising,” he added. “When others start telling Muslim women what to wear and what not to wear, clearly there is no need for us.”
Al-Baghdadi clarified that the Islamic State was a feminist organisation that gave equal opportunity to female suicide bombers.“We’re all burning our burkinis in protest,” he said. “Many mujahideen would be burning burqas as protest around the world as well. It’s because the burkini ban marginalises us in a way that would force us to shift from radical Islamism to radical feminism.”
Sources within ISIS confirmed that the burn-the-burqa movement in Pakistan would be spearheaded by Maulana Abdul Aziz.Meanwhile, Abdul Aziz has vowed to introduce the burkini at JamiaHafsa madrassa in order to educate the female students as to what it is before they can go on to burn the clothing outside Islamabad Club.
This satire originally appeared in Khabaristan Times and has been reproduced with permission
